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How to Insult an Editor
by Vicki Hinze.
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Pulling a new "good one" on an editor is difficult. But authors are creative, and some put their hearts into insulting editors.
Authors do have the advantage: they know editors are over-worked, they deal with half of the publishing community daily, and they're fighting constant deadlines. Stress tabs were invented for them--editors should be easy marks.
Why then does their "Shockability Index" remain extremely low? Because if it's an insult--even a darn good one--then they've been walloped by and weathered it before--probably more than once.
Still, there's hope. If a new twist can be tacked onto an old insult, a creative author can find it. To keep you from repeating the "tried and true," here's a sampling of what's cliche:
guidelines request authors query first on unsolicited manuscripts.
Now you know what you're up against, "tack-on" hopefuls. It is hard to insult an editor with something new--unless . . . wait!
Would you settle for shocking Editor?
Shocking can be done in seven--just seven--easy steps!
1. Study the editorial guidelines before you write and/or
And never, never, bug an editor in the women's room. It's rude.
Can you imagine it? If all authors popped it to editors by following the above steps, editors would be baffled! Stunned! Robbed of authorial war stories!
Good grief, it just hit! "Busy" is an editor's nature. Habitually tight-scheduled, the editor wouldn't just sit and ponder this authorial metamorphosis, the editor would read more manuscripts, faster--maybe ours.
Now wouldn't that be something?
Copyright 1996 by Vicki Hinze.